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| Puzzle Pieces |
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by Matthew Goodemote MPT, Dip MDT - February 28, 2011
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I received some difficult news a few months ago. It was the kind of news that takes the wind right out of you and leaves you scrambling to find your footing. Then once I thought I found my footing, I received more news that took my breath away and knocked me off my feet again. This seemed to happen more and more dramatically as the weeks went on and no matter what I did, news kept coming and my reactions to it seemed to grow more and more discombobulated (I have always wanted to use that word in a column but never quite had the right moment until now).
A few years ago, I wrote and spoke about finding the “gift” in every event. I remember “helping” people find the gift, and at that time, my advice to myself would have been to find the “gift” in the difficult situation of repeated incidents of overwhelming news. But over the last few months, my thoughts about this have been changing. It seems more common, as I wrote in my last article, that the “gift” finds us, and usually when we aren’t actually looking for it. So if peace and the “gifts” of difficult situations are not something that you find, but instead something that more commonly finds you, why should we look for them?
I no longer think we should.
I think it is more important to be open to the possibility of peace in the midst of a difficult situation. I think it is more important to notice that we can create our own reaction to an event, and if we are able to do this, then the event MUST not be what really matters. It is more important to notice how we react to the situation and then once we identify how we are reacting, we should explore the “why” of our reaction. The “gift” finds us when all the puzzle pieces come together to form the whole that is our life.
This was highlighted by the reaction of a few friends of mine to challenging life events. Some would create elaborate explanations about how the situation was part of their growing pains and was molding them into better people. And in essence, even though they didn’t think the event was good (and in a lot of cases they thought it was bad), they learned to convince themselves that because it was bad, it must somehow be good. In most cases, the focus was on the event and making sense out of it. In some cases, I noticed that my friends would focus on a particular part of the circumstances as absolute proof that they were seeing things clearly. However, they were also ignoring parts of the same situation that were in direct opposition to the proof they were creating. This fact seemed to go completely unnoticed. We believe what we believe because we think what we think.
So in the midst of my own process, I began to see the irrelevance of events. What matters more is how we react to a particular event. Once I realized this, I began to wonder. For example:
How is it possible for example that two loving parents can view how to demonstrate love to their kids so differently?
How is it possible for two highly educated physicians to view the same patient so differently even though the patient presents with the same history?
How is it possible that one person’s struggle is another’s motivation to rise up?
How is it possible that one individual views an injury as an opportunity to heal more than their physical body and uses the time to dive into and heal their emotional wounds, while another person is not even willing to give themselves the time it takes to allow their body to heal from a physical injury?
As I wondered, I began to notice more and more clearly how an event really has no significance. It is our reaction to it that has the significance. This created an unsettled feeling for months because I had convinced myself that how we viewed the world determined our reactions to the world. But then I began to see the way I had convinced myself to handle certain situations was fragile. As soon as my attention shifted to a different focus, my reaction to experiences also began to shift. I realized that something was amiss. This led me to the unpleasant realization that my ability to see the “good” in a situation and the “gift” in the event meant that somewhere in the examination of the situation I had determined a significance. Worst of all, this significance was arbitrary at best and counterproductive at worst.
I discovered that my inquiry into the significance carried with it an inherent flaw. My thoughts/beliefs that an event held some importance because there was something “good” or a “gift” to find in the event meant that I also held a belief that the event had parts that were “bad.”
I, like my friends and patients, had ignored one piece of the puzzle to focus on another piece. Just like in life, it is the totality of the pieces coming together that makes a puzzle complete. When we do a puzzle, each piece of the puzzle belongs exactly in a certain spot, no matter how we try to fit the piece somewhere else. Each piece simply goes where it goes. Each piece is neither good nor bad, just like a particular event in our life is neither right nor wrong. The puzzle piece is exactly what it should be and fits exactly where it belongs to make the big picture complete.
Life is like a puzzle. It is not that the situations we find ourselves in are “good” or “bad,” nor does one piece of our life puzzle hold any more importance than another piece. The “gift: finds us when we realize that every situation belongs exactly as it is when it comes in the way it comes. The “gift” is found by completing the puzzle, not by creating a meaning to an individual piece.
We can argue about how unfair a particular situation is and how frustrating it is that the situation doesn’t match our particular hopes and dreams, just like we can argue that a particular piece of a puzzle should go in a certain spot or fit a certain way, even though it doesn’t. We can convince ourselves that this piece is the most precious and important piece, that this is the piece that makes the puzzle worth doing, but without the rest of the puzzle we are left incomplete and the particular piece that was the “gift” is reduced in its significance without the other pieces fitting where they do to join the rest of them into a whole puzzle.
Wellness is more than convincing ourselves that a situation that is really bad is so bad because it is good for us. Wellness is more than focusing on the good parts we like and pretending or ignoring the other parts that are there. Wellness is wholeness. Wellness is that balance between what we think is good and what we think is bad. Wellness is realizing that the events, the pieces of our life, are never what matters most. Ultimately, the “gift” is not the interpretation of the meaning of the event, but rather the realization that the event is merely one piece of the puzzle and without ALL the pieces, there is an incomplete puzzle. Ultimately, each piece is necessary and fits exactly where it belongs, whether we like it or not!
 Matthew Goodemote is the founder and owner of Community Physical Therapy & Wellness in Gloversville, NY. He has degrees in Exercise Science, Health Science, Physical Therapy, and he is one of just over 250 in the world with a Diploma from the McKenzie International Spine Institute. Matthew is recognized as an expert in the fields of Physical Therapy, orthopedics, spinal disorders, sports medicine, and wellness. He is routinely called upon to offer tips and suggestions relating to health and wellness. His unique approach makes him a highly sought after expert at different ends of the media spectrum. He has received requests to participate in studies for scientific journals, and to write articles for trade magazines and popular press magazines such as Fitness to offer proven recommendations that stand the test of time. More of Matt’s blogs can be found at http://www.matthewgoodemote.com/blog/.
The viewpoint expressed in this article is the opinion of the author and is not necessarily the viewpoint of the owners or employees at Healthcare Staffing Innovations, LLC.
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