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A reporter from a national magazine asked me about how we can use negative emotions for our benefit. Here’s what I wrote:
Every day I talk to my patients about how a “bad” event like an injury or an emotional breakdown is the very thing that becomes the catalyst for change.
I understand what you mean about “negative” emotions but I started challenging the idea of a “good” versus “bad” emotion. Emotions are pointers. We feel them on the inside because that is what we need to address. Too often the emotions are associated with/connected to the events on the outside. But the outside is merely the trigger for us to recognize that it is the inside that deserves our attention.
When we are brutally honest with ourselves it is not hard to figure out why our emotions are being triggered. Rarely is the event itself the real source of our emotional reaction. We have held on to or built up an expectation of how things “should” be so when things don’t work out this way we blame the event or use the event as proof for the importance of the emotion…the goodness or badness of the emotion.
What actually matters most is that we listen to the emotion; we acknowledge that the emotion is felt “inside” us because it is inside where we need to take care of, to nurture and support, to use the emotions as a catalyst for an honest approach to life.
We do not need any reminders or help from the outside, we only need to listen to the intelligence inside ourselves. When we say it is too hard to say no to something we know is destructive we reinforce an old behavior and set ourselves up for more pain/suffering.
Two days ago I was talking to my daughter (she is 9) and she did something she was specifically asked not to do. Not only that but she tried to sneak around and hide what she was up to. When I found out I asked her why she did it and she said, “I couldn’t stop myself, I think it really mattered.”
I asked her what she felt right before she did it. She said she didn’t remember. I asked her why she hid it from me. The truth is somewhere inside her an alarm went off and told her that what she was doing was not right and instead of listening to her feelings (I call it her heart) she listened to her head, her thoughts. And because she tried to make the outside fit her feelings, she hid it from me. And because she trusted her thoughts over her feelings, there were consequences that were far worse to deal with (i.e. the guilt, remorse etc).
Think of how often you, we, everyone has hidden from what they know in their heart is the right thing to do. And consider that each and every time we pretend or hide our emotions are triggered. Consider that emotions are for our greater good, and by listening to and trusting them, we find naturally make the decisions in our life that support our well-being.
It is that precise moment when our emotions/feelings alert us to go inside and to trust the inside, to trust our hearts that we learn to make choices that are productive rather than destructive. Emotions are the only real guidance we have but if you try to spend too much time figuring out what the emotion means to the outside you miss that the emotion is really for the purpose of drawing you inward to make peace inside first and foremost.
Emotions are a gift and should be treated like that.
Matthew Goodemote is the founder and owner of Community Physical Therapy & Wellness in Gloversville, NY. He has degrees in Exercise Science, Health Science, Physical Therapy, and he is one of just over 250 in the world with a Diploma from the McKenzie International Spine Institute. Matthew is recognized as an expert in the fields of Physical Therapy, orthopedics, spinal disorders, sports medicine, and wellness. He is routinely called upon to offer tips and suggestions relating to health and wellness. His unique approach makes him a highly sought after expert at different ends of the media spectrum. He has received requests to participate in studies for scientific journals, and to write articles for trade magazines and popular press magazines such as Fitness to offer proven recommendations that stand the test of time. More of Matt’s blogs can be found at http://www.matthewgoodemote.com/blog/.
The viewpoint expressed in this article is the opinion of the author and is not necessarily the viewpoint of the owners or employees at Healthcare Staffing Innovations, LLC.
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